Editor’s note: The following story is part of Xpress’ annual Humor Issue. None of the events reported on in the article are real. This is a satirical piece that is not meant to be taken seriously.

SPACE ODDITY: Hi-Wire Brewing’s footprint now extends to everyone’s favorite crust. Editor’s note: The following story, unlike the rest of Mountain Xpress’s award-winning coverage of local news and ...

You're watching your weight, eating salads and smoothies, hitting the gym regularly, but for the love of carbs, you could never give up beer. Why would you when it's so crisp, cold, and refreshing? It ...